Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
