i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
