I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
