Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
