You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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