Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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