Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
