Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hippo gnu deer
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
