So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
