It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
