how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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