so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
