i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
