the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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