everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
