I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
