I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
