The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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