this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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