Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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