is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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