You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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