True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
