he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
