Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
