when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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