This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
