I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
