Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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