Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
