Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
