Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
