he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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