So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
