I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
