Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
