I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
