I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
