but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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