Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
