Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
