theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
