Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
two words: eviction party
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
