I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
