apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My feet surprised me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
