I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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