tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
