I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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