So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
