Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
