how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
