apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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