need another drink. this is the easiest way
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
