I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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