How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found puke in my bra..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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