The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
