I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
