I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
